I have been mulling over this phrase for some time.
The meaning implicit in my desire for an iPod is that I wish I was a Mac loving , funky, hipster, listening to cool tunes, possessing both the ability to dance and the desire to dance.
“Between the object and the desire [for it] is the meaning.”
Life appears to me to be composed primarily of objects, desires for objects and methods for obtaining the objects. For instance, there is an object called an iPod. If I want an iPod I use some methodology to get one. I may have money for an iPod in which case I exchange money for the iPod. I might not have money for an iPod in which case I would have to save my money or perhaps I would steal one.
The interesting part to me is not the method used for obtaining an object, like an iPod, and it's not the desire for the object itself, instead it is what I refer to as "the meaning".
I think about the desire for an object as being inextricably intertwined with the object. You can’t separate them or analyze them properly without changing each in some way. I would suggest it’s like quantum entanglement.
Like the atoms which are entangled, there is space between the entangled atoms. In fact in actuality the atoms are composed more of space than they are of matter anyway, no matter the distance. So what is the space between the desire for the object and the object? In my way of thinking that is where the meaning exists.
So what is the meaning, of my desire for an iPod?
It’s like the Counting Crows lyrics for the song "Mr. Jones".
“I want to be Bob Dylan Mr. Jones wishes he was someone just a little more funky When everybody loves you, son, that's just about as funky as you can be” --Counting Crows
I look at other swaths of my life and I can find the same sequence of object, desire and meaning. I can dissect every object and every desire, and derive what meaning drives me. What do I end up with after this analysis? When I think about it, it all decomposed into a tall pile of things I wish I was.
So what stops me from being the person I wish I was? That’s pretty simple, it’s fear. These fears include the fear of not being liked, the fear of not fitting in, and the fear of loss.
Is that any way to live? I used to live without fear in any of those ways or at the very least I had myself convinced that I had no fear of those things. I was the rugged Marlboro man of the great American west, taking life his own way.
All of my bravado and bluster faded eventually.
Maybe I need to just break down and buy myself a red convertible not wondering for a second about what it means. I could be content to imagine that the car makes up for my balding pate. It might be easier to take than all this angst.
I keep thinking about what an author by the name of Brennan Manning is fond of saying about God.
I don’t know if the phrase at the beginning of this muddled set of thoughts is something I read about in a book or if I heard someone say it. If someone knows the origin of the quote or the concept feel free to send mail or leave a comment.
I just realized the quote from the beginning is derived from "The Hollow Men" by T.S. Eliot. "Mistah Kurtz, he dead" / Apocalypse Now / Heart of Darkness it's all one swirling thought.
I know there a philosophical discourses that cover these concepts better than I have. I'll get around to reading them eventually, I promise.
“He loves us, not as we wish we were, but as we are.”
It sounds too good to be true, this notion of being loved exactly as we are. I have taken too many classes in economics, listened to far too many sermons, and experienced far too much in my life to believe that anything resembling this exists.
So then after all these words, what am I left with? Does life have meaning or is it all meaningless. I don’t have the answers.
I should go see “I Heart Huckabees” again. Maybe this time, I’ll find the answers I need.
Perhaps I could get a bracelet with the letter "WWJD" embroidered on it. "What would Joel do?" If only Joel would tell me what to do?
Joel would have a drink. If drinking isn't your modus operandi, Joel would rent a funny movie and forget about life for a while. Either is just as good.
As for the counting crows quote - Adam Duritz changes it when they play the song live - "When everybody loves you, that's just about as f*cked up as you can be." I take that if you're unhappy before you dreams come true, your dreams sure as hell aren't going to make you happy.