I've enjoyed reading Real Live Preacher for some time. While he was on hiatus, he pointed towards some articles he had written for other publications. I was entranced by this one, entitled "The gospel according to Anna". He even posted scans Anna's gospel on the web.
His article made me think about the phrase, "The Gospel According to Tim." I'm quite sure Young Joel will correct me if I'm wrong, but gospel literally means, good news. So what is the "good news according to Tim?"
I've been thinking about it and I'm still not sure what if there is anything I feel confident labeling as "Tim's good news." "Cautionary tale", yes, certainly I could do that. "Sarcastic look at the day's events", sure, it's my specialty.
I am certain, that if I did have any good news it might look something like this description of the aftermath of constipation by Heather B. Armstrong.
"My husband toweled me off, helped me put my clothes back on, and then he did what no human being on this earth should ever have to do and HE CLEANED UP MY MESS. Not only did he see the mess, he physically transferred it from the bathtub to the garbage can outside and then scrubbed the tub with bleach. He says he can still remember being astonished by how much it seemed to weigh.
... And you have to ask yourself, would my partner pick up my poop? And if you think the answer is NO then JUST WHAT DOES IT MEAN to be a partner? ASK YOURSELF THAT."
-- Heather B. Armstrong, This town needs an enema
If indeed you did begin your own gospel or "good news" I would start with these commandments or beatitudes:
I. Never attempt to kiss Paul Jones
II. Be respectful of your neighbor, especially if you are wandering around their table in a stupour.
III. Do not play darts. Darts are NOT your sport, proof of this lies in the holes in the wall.
IV. Do not bring a gun to a card game
V. Stop trying to kiss Paul Jones
We will end with 5, that it more than enough I think!
Jonzer
I never brought a gun to a card game. I invited the guy who brought the gun to the card game. There is a big difference.
The memories of my misspent youth haunt me again.
You know it also occurred to me that if you had a gospel or "good news" you could be like that wandering mystic from the Holy Grail that shoots fire on the mountains and says: "Some call me......Tim????"