Generalities: May 2005 Archives

I've received another note from the bear-napper I mentioned a while back.

bear misses his home
but there is money to pay
i'm still waiting

Along with this picture.

If anyone has seen this bear please contact me. He was last seen wearing a Green bay Packer's jersey. Please return the bear unharmed.

Hmmm, chocolate.

These are so rich and so delicious one can least me an entire week. so far I like the Rich Dark the best.

So what's your guilty pleasure ... other than reading my blog I mean?

While I am generally loathe to answer surveys or cute questions, when the surveyor is my old friend "the girl least likely to", I'll bend the rules a little.

If I could be a justice on any one court in the world, I would preside over the court of public opinion. "Justice for all" wouldn't be a phrase reserved for the comic books anymore. I would gladly render verdicts like the following;

• "Ms. Hilton, your 15 minutes of fame were up a half hour ago, you can take your phone, your accidental videos and retire to anonymity now."
• "Major Television Networks, the reality TV idea was cute for about three months, we've all been to junior high, so we've been there, done that, worn the t-shirt, can we move along now."

If I could be a bonnie pirate, I sail alone around the world, with a dog that I would name Brandy. I would remember to bring a can opener.

If I could be a chef, I would open up a restaurant on Maui. I would serve lots of organic, locally grown food. There would be a fantastic view of the sunset over the Pacific. No one would care about the view because the food would be just that good. I would serve the freshest sushi available and the menu would change every day. If you were rude to the servers or to your dinner companions, "No sushi for you!" I would ban cell phones and every hour would be happy hour. There would also be a dock for my pirate ship.

If I could be a writer, I would write witty things in my blog. I would stay up late every night and I would sleep in every day. I would wear a natty sports coat with leather patches on the elbows. I would write clever articles for the New Yorker in between novels.

If I could be a world famous blogger, honestly you mean I'm not?

If I could be a linguist, I would be a cunning ... crap I'm forgetting to censor again. I would be as cool as my hero, Larry Wall.

If I could be a gardener ... I would be happy.

And now, who should I suggest fills this out next? I'm feeling alliterative, how about Jennie, Joel, Julie and Jan? [None of you are under any obligation. I don't usually fill these kinds of things in. I wouldn't take it personally if you didn't. In fact, you probably shouldn't. In fact, you probably should have stopped reading this a few minutes ago.]

Check out the stuff for sale on eBay seized by the TSA at airports.

I've been trying to buy 30 - 50 pound lots of scissors but keep getting outbid by some other, more enthusiastic bidder.

Q. What do you intend to do with 50 pounds of scissors?

A. I plan to run with them.

Q. No, really what do you plan to do with them?

A. Next time my carry-on bags are x-rayed I can see if anyone is paying attention.

Q. No, that's probably a federal crime, what do you really want to do with them?

A. You are on my Christmas card list aren't you? What do you think you are getting this year?

I bought a bike last year. I meant to ride to work, but I never got around to it.

Today I rode to work. It felt great. I would do it more often it didn't take me quite so long.

When I bike through an area for the first time I feel more connected with the topography and the neighborhoods. "Gee", I'll gasp, "I never noticed this hill before today."

When I titled this post "Bring Your Bike to Work Day" I was meaning to evoke "Bring Your Child to Work Day". Looks like there really is Bike-to-Work Week on May 16 - 20 and Bike-to-Work Day is Friday, May 20, 2005.